Setbacks are part of life. A job falls through, a relationship ends or a plan you worked hard on comes apart. Some people seem to steady themselves faster than others. The good news is that this ability is not fixed.

Healthdirect, the Australian Government health information service, describes resilience as the ability to bounce back from life’s challenges. It notes that you cannot always stop stressful things from happening. What you can do is build up your capacity to cope with them. That happens mostly through small habits repeated over time.

What resilience looks like in everyday life

Resilience is not about being tough or pretending things are fine. It is closer to having a set of habits you can lean on when life gets hard. A resilient person still feels disappointed, sad or angry. They just tend to find their way back to steady ground a little sooner.

It also builds on itself. Each time you get through a hard patch, you gather proof that you can cope. That proof is useful the next time something goes wrong. Over time it can lift your confidence in handling tough situations.

Start with the body

Healthdirect lists a range of healthy coping habits for building resilience. Several of them are physical. Exercise, eating well, time in nature and time to relax all feature. These are simple, but they are easy to drop when life gets busy.

Food is a good example. During a rough patch it is common to skip meals or reach for whatever is quickest. A little planning can help, and there are practical ideas on eating habits for a hard week that keep things simple. Regular meals give you more energy to deal with the problem itself.

Healthdirect also suggests avoiding alcohol and drugs as a way of coping. A drink can seem to take the edge off in the moment. Relying on it tends to make things harder over time. If you have been drinking heavily and plan to stop, learn the signs of alcohol withdrawal and talk to your doctor first.

Be kind to yourself

After a setback it is common to be hard on yourself. Healthdirect lists being kind to yourself as a healthy coping habit. It notes this can support the way you feel about yourself. Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a good friend in the same spot.

Doing things that make you happy also features on its list. So does taking time to relax. Meditation is another option it mentions for some people. None of these will fix the problem on their own, but they give you more in the tank to deal with it.

Keep people close

When things go wrong, many of us pull away from others. Healthdirect lists isolating yourself from family and friends as something to avoid. Connection with loved ones sits on its list of healthy coping habits. Even a short phone call or a walk with a friend can help.

Make time for play as well. That might be a game, a hobby or a night out that has nothing to do with the problem. Shared fun matters, and it is easy to forget when life is heavy. Celebrating good moments together gives everyone something lighter to remember.

Break the problem into smaller pieces

A big setback can feel too large to tackle. Healthdirect suggests breaking challenges into small, achievable goals. This gives you something you can actually do today. Each step finished is a small win.

Big life changes work the same way. Moving house after a breakup or a job loss can feel huge. Splitting it into tasks, such as sorting one room or avoiding common mistakes when packing boxes for moving, makes it more manageable. Celebrate each goal when you reach it, as healthdirect also recommends.

Work on the way you think

Resilience has a thinking side too. Healthdirect suggests accepting that you cannot always change a situation, but you can change how you view it. That is not the same as pretending it is good. It simply means looking for the part you can still control.

Other thought habits on its list include staying passionate about your goals and practising gratitude. It also suggests reminding yourself that you are not alone and that you deserve care and support. Recognising your own strengths is part of it too. Practice helps these thoughts come more easily when you feel overwhelmed.

Healthdirect mentions an 80:20 approach as well. The idea is to spend about 80 per cent of your time on your goals and allow about 20 per cent for a break from them. That break could be a treat or a lazy day. It is a useful reminder that rest is part of the plan. Pushing hard all the time tends to wear you down.

Know your triggers

Some situations hit harder than others. Healthdirect suggests identifying your triggers, for example by writing down what feels difficult. Once you can see a pattern, you can plan a healthy way to respond. That might be a walk, a call to a friend or a few minutes of quiet breathing.

Writing can help in other ways too. Healthdirect lists journaling, music, art, dancing and singing as ways to express your feelings. Some people use other tools, such as hypnotherapy, and it pays to know what hypnotherapy actually does before trying it. Find what works for you, because everyone copes differently.

When to ask for more help

Building resilience is not a cure for everything. Some setbacks bring grief, anxiety or low mood that need more than good habits. Healthdirect says talking to your doctor is a good first step. Your GP can point you to further support if you need it.

Australia has several free support services listed on the healthdirect page, including Beyond Blue and Lifeline. If you are in urgent danger, call triple zero. There is no prize for getting through hard times alone. Reaching out early is part of being resilient.

Frequently asked questions

Can you learn to be more resilient?

Yes, resilience can be built over time. Healthdirect explains that regular healthy coping habits increase your capacity to deal with challenges. Small daily actions add up.

What is the quickest way to cope with a setback?

There is no single quick fix that works for everyone. Talking to someone you trust and picking one small, achievable step are good places to start. Look after sleep, food and movement while you work through it.

Is resilience the same as ignoring your feelings?

No, resilient people still feel sad, angry or disappointed. The difference is that they have habits that help them recover. Expressing feelings through writing, music or talking is part of that.

When should I see a doctor about stress?

If stress or low mood is affecting your sleep, work or relationships, see your GP. They can talk through options and refer you to further support. In an emergency, call triple zero.

This article is general information only and is not medical advice. Please speak with your doctor or a qualified health professional about your own situation.